Gerrard Solves England Problem

Steven Gerrard's timely knee operation has temporarily solved Fabio Capello's England problem, meaning Capello will not have to justify and explain after the game to the media (and Harry Redknapp) exactly where he has picked Gerrard to play.

For months... actually years... the world has claimed Gerrard and Frank Lampard cannot play together in central midfield. Two years into his job, McLaren learnt this and replaced Lampard with Gareth Barry and the England midfield seemed to gel that little bit better. However last week saw Capello attempt his own solution by playing Gerrard here, there or anywhere and bringing back Lampard. It didn't work, and Redknapp told Capello so. http://setantasports.com/en/Sport/News/Football/2008/08/21/International-Redknapp-in-studio/?facets=sport-space/great-britain-locale/

However Capello's blushes have now been spared for the up and coming England fixtures by Gerrard's withdrawl from the games. Now we can all get our way by bringing Joe Cole back to the left wing.

Liverpool Below Standard (Liege)

Liverpool continued to stutter their way through the start of the season with an unimpressive 1-0 aggregate win after extra-time against Belgian side Standard Liege.

We shouldn't beat around the bush, Liverpool were poor. Liverpool were the same Liverpool we have come to expect under Rafa Benitez in recent years... and again it was late drama that has got them through.

It seems tired and cliched to state that Liverpool need some width, but it is desperately true. When the team lined up with Benyayoun and Kuyt on the flanks you could mentally script the outcome of any Liverpool attack. It was painstakingly obvious to bring Babel on... but even when he came on he too often found himself wandering infield. This problem seems inbred into Liverpool now, no-one wants to get out wide, like they won't get to see the ball out there.

Last season (and against Sunderland), Torres' heroics saved Liverpool all too often, but when he has an off day (like he did against Standard Liege) Liverpool need to create a solution... Liverpool's goal, in the 118th minute, came from Babel getting out wide and putting in an excellent cross for Kuyt to scramble home... yet no-one is expecting Benitez to learn from this.

Benitez has been attempting to bring Gareth Barry to Anfield all summer, stating he was looking for a player that could play in the middle and on the left. BENITEZ WAKE UP! BARRY IS NOT THE WIDE PLAYER YOU ARE LOOKING FOR! Rumour has it Albert Riera will turn up at Anfield before the end of the transfer window, but there are no guarantees he will be asked to get wide. Babel wasn't. And where's Pennant?! If Pennant does leave before the transfer window closes, I expect big things from him. He's a fast, tricky winger - much better than Lennon who seems to get all the hype.

What Liverpool really seem to miss is full-backs that want to get forward. Luiz Felipe Scolari's Chelsea is now geared for attacking full-backs in Ashley Cole and Jose Bosingwa to provide the width when Ballack, Deco and Lampard have created the space coming into the middle. Arbeloa and Dossena, or Aurelio just don't have the enthusiasm to get forward down the wings to support the attack with width.

Foolishly, before the season began I had expected Liverpool to be a strong force this season, however whilst they have amassed 6 points from 2 games, they do not look like being capable of beating the rest of the Big 4... this weekend's game against Aston Villa could be a good test.

Liverpool's poor qualifying performance has been rewarded with a difficult group for the Champions League. PSV are one of the easiest second seeds to be placed with, but Marseille and Atletico Madrid are a tough challenge coming as third and fourth seeds.

Anton Ferdinand... £8m... Really?

Anton Ferdinand's inevitable move away from West Ham United is almost complete, with perennial fringe purchasers Sunderland his likely destination. I won't comment too much on the subject, but I am surprised at the value being placed on Ferdinand's head. He has never struck me as anything more than a 'decent' centre-back. Transfer values are all relative, and so here is a list of recent transfers of Premier League centre-backs. Decide for yourself whether £8m for Anton Ferdinand seems reasonable...

Carlos Cuellar Glasgow Rangers to Aston Villa, £7.8m

Nemandja Vidic Spartak Moscow to Manchester United, £7.2m

Jonathan Woodgate Middlesbrough to Tottenham Hotspur, £7m

Martin Skrtel Zenith St. Petersburg to Liverpool, £6.5m

Matthew Upson Birmingham City to West Ham United, £6m

Younes Kaboul Tottenham Hotspur to Portsmouth, £5m

Retrospective Diving Punishments

One of the unfortunate by-products of having one of the best leagues in the world, is the diving culture that has developed from the number of foreigners brought into the game, and this incessant desire to win imbedded within almost every player in the league. I am not too nationalistic to say that it is only foreigners that dive in the Premier League, as we know only too well this problem has come to affect the likes of Ashley Cole, Steven Gerrard and Michael Owen to name but a few.

Recently the Premier League, as well as Uefa, have insisted upon yellow cards for diving offences (or "simulation" to be politically correct), but this punishment does not match the crime. In truth, the only reason the player is issued with a caution is because on the pitch it can often be difficult for a referee to know for certain whether a player has deliberately taken a dive to deceive, or whether there has been some contact. Diving is cheating, and so should be met with a red card, and personally I believe a minimum of a two game suspension. So whilst it is difficult for the referee to notice the blatant dives... perhaps television evidence could be used for a retrospective punishment to be handed out.

I only refer to the instances where it is clear that no contact has been made, and so one can know for sure that the player has deliberately "simulated" a fall to deceive a referee. This weekend saw two such instances, Emmanuel Adebayor vs. Fulham, and Nicolas Anelka vs. Wigan. What almost offended me more than the dives, was the lack of response from the referee, and from the television analysts after the game. It is clear that we are all too used to diving occuring in the Premier League that even when it happens so blatantly, we are not even bothering to comment on it. In order to solve the problem, retrospective two game suspensions should be introduced. That would make those diving cheats think twice.

Aplogies for not finding any videos.

Steve McLaren Adapts to Dutch Culture

Sadly, this is not a video of Steve McLaren stoned off his face, riding a bicycle and wearing clogs. This is actually a video of Steve McLaren being interviewed by a Dutch journalist. Partially funny is seeing that FC Twente have employed McLaren after his embarrasing qualifying campaign with England... but hilariously funny is the Dutch accent that McLaren has attempted to adopt for the interview.

Enjoy.

SML - Scottish Mediocre League

I do not want to be the kind of Premier League football fan that sits on his own pedestal and belittles other leagues around Europe. True, I do believe The Premier League to be the best in Europe, but that is not to say that Serie A, La Liga and even the Bundesliga do not offer some form of entertainment.

Occasionally I will even consider watching the Scottish Premier League, because at least 4 games a season will be worth a watch (the Old Firm derbies between Glasgow Celtic and Glasgow Rangers), and I tend to keep an eye on the lower leagues because there's always a decent betting opportunity (Peterhead 4/7 to beat Alloa at home). However... recent failings of Scottish players attempting to ply their trade in the Premier League has made me consider just how poor the SPL is.

Shaun Maloney is the most recent Scottish player to make his way back to Glasgow after attempting life south of the border. Maloney joined Aston Villa in January 2007, but never settled, and was constantly linked with a move back. Maloney was a rising star in Scotland, but failed to deliver whilst in the Premier League.

Maloney is not alone. Kenny Miller was a bright talent when he moved down to England, transferring from Rangers to Wolverhampton Wanderers. However, despite Miller helping Wolves achieve promotion, on the whole he never proved to be a success, and returned to Glasgow, this time with Celtic. Miller gave the Premier League one more go with Derby County, but again he failed. Miller is now back at Rangers again, and in the starting line-up for Scotland.

Prior to Miller, was Scotland's darling Barry Ferguson. Ferguson was brought to England by the ever-succesful and never moaning Manager Graeme Souness, and was instantly named Blackburn Rovers Captain. However, Ferguson also never settled into the Premier League and handed in a transfer-request, eventually returning to Rangers for a reduced fee.

On this evidence, the Premier League has become a bigger challenge to adapt to from Scotland than ever before. Our only point of comparison is success in Europe, and Rangers' defeat to FBK Kaunas aside, both Celtic and Rangers have been succesful in Europe, both reaching the Uefa Cup Final and progressing well in the Champions League. However, this success pales in comparison to the Premier League's total domination of the Champions League in recent seasons, so perhaps the conclusion is that both leagues have improved, but the gap between the two has widened.

Further evidence of this lies in David Weir. Weir was simply not good enough to compete in the Premier League anymore, having become too old, and too slow. Rangers took him on, and he competed in 60 of their games last season, not to mention still playing at the heart of the Scotland defence.

The SPL can legitimately be considered a retirement home for ageing footballers, recently Dion Dublin, John Hartson, Roy Keane, Neil Lennon, Chris Sutton and more have made the move north at the end of their careers.

England 2-2 Czech Rep

Before we begin tearing apart the England team for failing to beat the Czech Republic, and only just scraping a draw with a last minute equaliser, let's not forget that the Czech Republic are ranked 8th in the world (Fifa Rankings).

Now... where do we begin?

Yesterday On-Football dared to suggest that Wes Brown was not good enough to play for England, particularly with Glen Johnson and Micah Richards waiting in the wings. Brown's performance yesterday was again questionable, and I fear that his first goal for England will overshadow his defensive error that helped lead to the first goal conceded. To be fair, the whole England defence played their part in Baros' goal, but Brown was turned far too easily, and Terry seemed to do nothing to prevent Baros turning and shooting.

Most people watching the game would have believed England had lined up in a 442, but today Fabio Capello has insisted it was a 4321 formation, and that Steven Gerrard was not being wasted out wide left. Capello may have been sure about this, but there were obviously some translation problems to Gerrard, who spent most of the game playing wide left. Gerrard can be effective on the flank, but why? Why was Joe Cole not playing there?

Gerrard could have played in the middle. He may as well have done because Frank Lampard went missing in an England shirt again. Lampard has been England's most consistant performer in recent times, but this in by no means a compliment. Hopefully Capello will learn where Sven did not, and that is not to rely on Lampard.

Beckham was also ineffective in open play, this was not even slightly surprising, but as England continue to only be a threat from set-pieces, it's probably wise to keep Beckham around - at least until we can create a chance in open play.

Upfront England still lack a centre-forward to play alongside Wayne Rooney. Perhaps it will be Michael Owen when he returns from injury, perhaps Dean Ashton, but whoever it is will also need support from a lifeless midfield.

All in all... it was the same old England. What we once considered a waste of talent, we now consider a waste of money.

Wenger Signs Frenchman - Football World In Shock

Mikael Silvestre has made a surprise move from Old Trafford to Ashburton Grove (or more comically known as The Emirates), and has become the first player to make the move between the fierce rivals since Brian Kidd in 1974.

The transfer is a curious one. At the start of last season, Silvestre vowed to stay and fight for his place, but unfortunately suffered a serious injury that kept him out for most of the season. Patrice Evra in that time established himself as one of the best left backs in both The Premier League and Europe. This time around, Silvestre has been more keen on a transfer, and has agreed to join Arsene Wenger's young squad to add some much needed experience.

There are questions over why Sir Alex Ferguson has allowed Silvestre to join his arch-rivals, particularly after the fiasco of the Gabriel Heinze transfer. Heinze had requested a transfer, with a view to joining arch rivals Liverpool - however Ferguson, whilst willing to let Heinze leave, would not allow him to join Liverpool. Heinze made an official complaint to The Premier League over the transfer, but in the end Manchester United won the battle and Heinze was sent to Real Madrid. So if Heinze was prevented from joining Liverpool, how has Silvestre managed to join Arsenal?

There is an argument that Ferguson does not consider Arsenal to be major title rivals. This is rubbish. Ferguson would certainly not have considered Liverpool to be major title rivals either, yet stopped the Heinze transfer.

Perhaps as Silvestre has spent so many years at Old Trafford, Ferguson believes he knows his game well enough to not consider Silvestre a problem in joining Arsenal. Let's be fair, Silvestre has his fair share of weaknesses.

The more likely reasoning, is that Silvestre is certainly not going to be first choice at Arsenal, and so will not strengthen their side proficiently. His strength, pace and experience will help in covering positions in the Arsenal defence, and helping to develop their young players, but he will not be competing against Gael Clichy at left-back, nor Kolo Toure and William Gallas at centre-back.

Not So "Great Britain" XI

Whether in the office, down the pub, or amongst fellow players, there have always been discussions about which players would make up a Great Britain football team. Over the past fifteen years or so, the result of that debate would almost certainly have been 'England plus Giggs'. England have always enjoyed better personnel across the park, but with a failing down that problem left side since time began. Ryan Giggs was considered to be that perfect missing link in several of our recent England teams... but he would not have been enough to make up for recent performances.

That aside, with the (poorly scheduled) International week here, and with rumours circulating about a Great Britain side to perform at the 2012 Olympics, On-Football considers the 'best of the rest' from Great Britain.

Northern Ireland

David Healy - The best of Northen Ireland is quite a talent, scoring a record number of goals in the European Championship Qualifiers... in a team that didn't qualify. Healy developed his skills in the Manchester United Youth Team, but since then has been unable to prove himself at club level. A proven International goalscorer... but he just isn't good enough.

Scotland

Craig Gordon - Gordon became the Premier League's most expensive goalkeeper when he joined Sunderland last season, and impressed, helping to keep Sunderland afloat. With goalkeepers being a problem position for England at the moment, Gordon could well fancy proving himself to be the best British keeper, and at Sunderland he is sure to get plenty of practice.

Alan Hutton - Talking of problem positions, when the England set-up finally recognises that Gary Neville's England time is over, and Wes Brown is not good enough, they will be fortunate to have the talents of Glen Johnson and Micah Richards. However Alan Hutton quickly demonstrated what he has to offer when he joined Tottenham Hotspur half way through last season.

Darren Fletcher - Not good enough to oust the exceptional talent of England's central midfield, but a very good Premier League midfielder nonetheless. Fletcher will almost certainly have to leave Old Trafford to prove his worth with regular first team football, but if the Great Britain team was created using a quota, you would not be too disappointed with Fletcher representing Scotland.

Wales

Gareth Bale - It would be tempting to still consider Ryan Giggs for old times sake, but with Gareth Bale there is a new Welsh talent to fill that left midfield role. Bale had been somewhat of a revelation at Southampton. When everyone was expecting such great things from Theo Walcott after his move to Arsenal, Southampton had managed to unearth another gem, which Tottenham Hotspur were quick to get hold of. Capable at left-back and left-midfield, Bale would definitely have been an option for the problem left side if he'd been English.

Aaron Ramsey - Okay, he's had no chance to prove himself yet, and outside of Cardiff is somewhat of an unknown entity, but so far it has not been considered that the sides entered into the Olympics are Under 23 sides, and for the 2012 Olympics Ramsey will have had 4 years at Arsenal under Arsene Wenger's tutelage. If Great Britain is able to enter a team for the London Olympics, and the Welsh FA take part, I fully expect Ramsey to be there.

Captain Terry, Once More Unto the Breach

John Terry has been named as Fabio Capello's England Captain. He's (not literally) beaten off strong competition from Rio Ferdinand and Steven Gerrard. However… how important is it really that John Terry is England Captain?

The captaincy is not like in Rugby, where only the Captain can speak with the referee (and if that was the case Terry would almost certainly have been overlooked).

The captaincy is not like in Cricket, where the Captain is more like a Manager, constantly monitoring the performance of the team and making decisions to affect the game, ultimately responsible for success and failure.

The captaincy is not like in park football, where the Captain is responsible for picking the players, having to decide which fat kid will be better to be left in goal (certainly not Paul Robinson).

Most comments in the press since the announcement have supported the decision, but also admitted it didn't really matter who was selected because between Terry, Ferdinand, Gerrard etc all of the candidates would have excelled.

Joe Cole, Master of Articulation, summarises it brilliantly, "There are captains all over the pitch. There is not much to choose between John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry and Ashley Cole"

He goes on to say the England Captain responsibilities are little more than "A spokesman for the team, for the media, obviously liaise with the Manager… make sure everything's going well, that everyone's happy, but on the pitch, when you step on the pitch everyone has to take responsibility"

The England Captaincy is more about the media than the football pitch, being Fabio Capello's no.2 for press conferences, to make the important interviews, to exchance pennants at kick-off, and wear a symbolic armband. Sure you wouldn't want a quiet, young inexperienced lad taking the armband... but has this England Captaincy debate been blown out of proportion?

Argentina vs Brazil, Olympic Semi-Final

Argentina and Brazil, like Barcelona and Real Madrid, like Celtic and Rangers, like AC and Inter... every football fan worldwide has chosen their side of the fence... and that is why this big game appeals that little bit more to everyone. Do not let the fact that this is only a glorified friendly tournament overshadow a meeting between these two great nations... and do not expect it to be a tactical stalemate.

Recent encounters have proven to be fruitful for the boys from Brazil, winning the Copa America and the Confederations Cup 3-0 and 4-0. Both of these impressive victories sent shockwaves around the world, and almost certainly saved Brazil Coach Dunga from getting the sack. Now the Olympic Gold is up for grabs, an achievement the Brazilian team has never reached, yet the Argentinian team has won twice.

This South American head-to-head could not be much closer, out of 93 matches there have been 24 draws, 34 Argentina victories and 35 Brazil victories. However, Argentina are favourites to win tomorrow and claim their third Olympic Gold.

Lio Messi has completely justified his desire to play in the Olympics, carrying this young Argentina team to the Semi-Finals creating and scoring throughout. His performances have been top draw, and Barcelona will be happy to have him return already in top form (they'll need him to be to finish ahead of Real Madrid).

Brazil have been less impressive, but they're still Brazil... you just don't bet against them (Robinho pictured).

You can watch this match at 2pm today with the BBC Olympics coverage via the Red Button, or online at www.bbc.co.uk/sport. The lesser Semi-Final is on from 11am, Nigeria vs Belgium.

Chelsea the Entertainers?

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for them... and it's feeling good. Chelsea strolled to the top of the Premier League after the opening weekend with an ominous 4-0 victory against one of the apparent best defences in the Premier League last season.

After several years in England, Roman Abramovic may finally have found the man he was looking for, to take Chelsea not just to the summit of Europe, but to do it in style too. However, one musn't get carried away with the new Chelsea revolution, in fact, it does not appear to be much of a revolution at all.

The squad has been improved upon, not changed, and the team set-up was no different superficially. Chelsea's 4-5-1 is more attacking than it suggests, with fantastic movement up-front to allow support to Anelka constantly. The media has been largely focussing on the introduction of Deco, and the fluidity of the Chelsea midfield. However, Chelsea were up against a very poor Portsmouth side, that look a shadow of their former selves.

Everton and Blackburn served up a surprise at Goodison Park, where neither side did much to impress and showed more of their defensive frailties over attacking strengths. With Everton quiet in the transfer market, and reported problems with the board after the failure to seal the new stadium proposals, they could be considered a club in turmoil. Blackburn were lucky to get their victory, and will not be expecting too much in their first season under Paul Ince. Keeping Santa Cruz having lost Friedel and Bentley will be an achievement, but Paul Robinson was a little suspect still in goal on his debut.

Whilst there were no huge surprises after the opening weekend, credit must be given to Newcastle United and Hull City who managed very good results, more so with Hull City after going 1-0 down at home to Fulham. This result and performance hasn't convinced me that they will stay up, but they will definitely give it a good go, unlike Stoke City. Paddy Power were so disappointed by Stoke City's performance that they have already paid out on them being relegated.

Ashton the Cripple

I'm not sure of the political correctness of the word 'cripple', but I am pretty sure that if any player could justify the tag it would be Dean Ashton. On-Football tipped Ashton at 40/1 to be the Premier League Top Goalscorer this season, and after 10 mins Ashton had set Upton Park alight with two quickfire goals. With England Manager Fabio Capello sitting in the stands, Ashton was doing exactly what he needed to prove his worth to the Qualifying Campaign, and to fill that striking role along side Wayne Rooney. However... it again wasn't to be.

Only Ashton (who has hamstrings as weak as elastic bands) could injure himself striking a free-kick at goal, a free-kick that flew over the crossbar by twenty or thirty feet. This is the third time Ashton has had to pull out of the England Squad. The picture I have sourced was from the previous time he had to pull out, and then there was the infamous ankle injury whilst training that put him out of most of the season this time two years ago.

Dean Ashton is destined not to become an England regular, but surely in this time of scientific discovery, there is a way of protecting Mr. Glass from his injury proneness.

This leaves Jermain Defoe, Emile Heskey, Wayne Rooney and Theo Walcott as the attacking options in the England Squad. It doesn't exactly inspire confidence does it?

Actions Speak Louder than Words

Dimitar Berbatov has finally expressed an opinion on his alleged up and coming move to Manchester United. After a long and protracted summer of smoke and mirror negotiation tactics (Manchester United to buy Thierry Henry?!), in which no-one ever really questioned whether Berbatov would leave Tottenham Hotspur, Berbatov has met the press to tell them "I'm still a Tottenham player, but no one can disagree with me wanting to follow my dream".

Berbatov is just putting into words what his lacklustre performances have been telling Tottenham fans for a month now, and that is to prepare for the season with just Darren Bent as a recognised striker.

But are Berbatov's choice of words of any value? It seems every time a transfer occurs, it is to fulfill the player's dream move...

Robbie Keane: "It's absolutely fantastic, a real dream come true for me"

Tottenham Hotspur to Liverpool

Cristiano Ronaldo: "A dream and a step forward"

Manchester United to Real Madrid

Alexander Hleb: "It is a dream. I love this team. I will give my best"

Arsenal to Barcelona

Glen Loovens: "This is my dream move and I’m delighted to be signing for Celtic"

Cardiff City to Celtic

Andrew Cole: "It's a dream come true for me. I always said that one day I would play for Forest"

Sunderland to Nottingham Forest

Nicky Bailey: "As soon as Charlton came in - my mind was already there, it is a dream move for me"

Southend United to Charlton Athletic

Robert Snodgrass: "This move is a dream come true"

Livingstone to Leeds United

Firstly, this 'dream come true' melarky is somewhat of a cliche.

Secondly, why are these players not dreaming of success with their own clubs?!

Top 5 Opening Day Memories

With the opening day of the Premier League 08/09 season just around the corner, I thought I would reflect on the big moments of prior opening days of the seasons. I actually struggled to find a top 5, so feel free to argue with what I've had to present. In no particularly order we have...

Premier League 92/93 - Brian Deane scores opening goal

At the dawn of a new era for English football, with Rupert Murdoch throwing millions of pounds into the sport, and Richard Keys' gorilla hands welcoming a whole new world of what would become 'arm chair fans', 22 top-flight clubs felt a sense of excitement about what was to come. And so there was a record to achieve... and it occured at Bramall Lane where Brian Deane scored the first ever Premier League goal in a 2-1 win for Sheffield United over Manchester United.

Premier League 95/96 - "You'll never win anything with kids"

After failing to win the league on the last day of the season, and losing the FA Cup Final to Everton, it was a year of change for Manchester United selling Paul Ince (Inter Milan), Andrei Kanchelskis (Fiorentina) and Mark Hughes (Chelsea) to allow their next crop of youth players to come into the team. However on the opening day of the season, with Alex Ferguson switching to a 3-5-2 formation, Aston Villa tore them apart 3-1 leading Alan Hansen to comment "You'll never win anything with kids". Manchester United went on to win the Premier League and FA Cup Double.

Premier League 96/97 - The White Feather

Following in the illustrious footsteps of Uwe Fuchs and Jan Age Fjortoft, came a well known Italian from Juventus in Fabrizio Ravanelli. At a time when European football was still off the radar for the common football fan, not too much was known of Ravanelli except for his occasional victories over Manchester United in the European Cup, so there was a lot of excitement over his transfer to Middlesbrough. The excitement was justified, as on the opening day Ravanelli put a hat-trick past Liverpool, although Middlesbrough could only manage a 3-3 draw. Ravanelli was to get used to scoring goals and not winning as he finished the season with over 30 goals in all competitions but saw his side get relegated.

Premier League 96/97 - David Beckham scores from the half way line

Nothing to say, just watch.




Premier League 03/04 - Blackburn 5-1 Wolves

There's no fan in England that could not have been aware of how hard Wolverhampton Wanderers had been trying to reach the glory hights of the Premier League, and the millions of pounds they'd spent attempting to achieve this under a number of inadequate Managers. Finally in 2003, Wolves managed to secure promotion, the hard work was done. However, quite hilariously... on the opening day of the season an average Blackburn side smashed 5 goals past them to teach them a harsh lesson about top-flight football.

LA Galaxy - USA's Newcastle United

News has reached every Press Office in the world, and I feel it should be celebrated and shared with the world. The LA Galaxy revolution has hit a snitch... the snitch being that the team is still woefully awful.

Alexi Lalas has been sacked as General Manager of LA Galaxy, and Ruud Gullit has resigned as Team Coach. Cobi Jones will be taking temporary charge of team affairs.

I find this story hilarious on three levels.

Firstly, Ruud Gullit has again failed at coaching. After taking time away from management to learn the game and hone his skills... he's proved once more to be inadequate. "I can’t play sexy football with this team at the moment because we are not ready for this". I'm not sure who was ready for Gullit's sexy football... Newcastle United weren't.

Secondly, after all the hype and media attention of David Beckham's move to LA Galaxy... he has done nothing to improve the club on the pitch. With only 23 points from 19 games, LA Galaxy are again struggling and are not going to win anything. A fantastic return on investment... £130m worth of investment.

Thirdly, and my personal favourite... Alexi Lalas is out, and Cobi Jones is in. What? Alexi Lalas and Cobi Jones! They're the only USA players anyone remembers?! Could they be the only two Americans in Major League Soccer?! This story completely caricatures Football in the USA. Two players from the past with ridiculous hairstyles running a club with loads of money and absolutely no success... they could just as easily be Kevin Keegan and Terry McDermott.

Now that is funny.

Fantasy Football

Fantasy Football is always a bit of a laugh, especially when you can join leagues to compete with your friends. This year I am entering into the Guardian's Fantasy Football competition at fantasyfootball.guardian.co.uk. You have to pick a squad of players, and select your XI for each week from that squad. It's completely free, and here's my squad.

Goalkeepers

Craig Gordon - Sunderland
Chris Kirkland - Wigan Athletic

Defenders

Ricardo Carvalho - Chelsea

Curtis Davies - Aston Villa

Glen Johnson - Portsmouth

Micah Richards - Manchester City

Kolo Toure - Arsenal

Defensive Midfielders

Scott Parker - West Ham

Andranik Teymourian - Fulham

Midfielders

David Bentley - Tottenham Hotspur

Cesc Fabregas - Arsenal

Steven Gerrard - Liverpool

Forwards

Darren Bent - Tottenham Hotspur

Benni McCarthy - Blackburn Rovers

Fernando Torres - Liverpool

Lost In Transition

At the beginning of the 2006/07 season, Sir Alex Ferguson commented that Arsenal were a team in "transition" and that "when that happens you just have to be patient and wait for the next stage of the development".

Arsene Wenger refuted this, "We are not a team in transition. I have never believed that". To accept that you're in a transitional period is almost to accept defeat in the Premier League mind games, but every side needs to go through this transitional period, and it's coming out of the tunnel the other side which generally shows the truly good Managers.

Ferguson is undoubtedly the greatest top flight Manager the English game has seen, the evidence is in the trophies. He has been able to do this over a long period of time by riding these transitional periods and coming through with new stronger sides. Manchester United will believe they have come out of this transitional period into a new light now, but the sudden departure of Carlos Queiroz leaves me with suspicions they could be entering into a new problems. Queiroz has been credited with creating Manchester United's formidable defence, whilst the "holy trinity" of Rooney, Tevez and Ronaldo got on with it at the business end. Whilst I'm sure that Ferdinand and Vidic can continue their awesome partnership without Queiroz around, it should not be forgotten that when Ferguson's then no.2 Steve McLaren left for Middlesbrough, Manchester United finished an unprecedented and not since repeated 3rd place in the League. Do not be surprised to see Manchester United falter again this year without a no.2, especially if they don't sign a centre-forward.

Chelsea are also a side in transition, with the introduction of Big Phil Scolari as Manager. Chelsea got stronger and stronger last season, and the key members of their squad remain to challenge Manchester United again. But as exciting as it will be to have a Brazilian Manager in the Premier League, to have Bosingwa and Cole running down the flanks in Cafu and Roberto Carlos style, Chelsea fans should approach the season with caution. Scolari has not been in Club Management for several years, and he has never Managed in Europe. In theory, football is football anywhere in the world, but it takes a lot to adapt to England. The game is played at a much faster pace, the competitiveness is much higher, the media attention is often unbearable (Ferguson and Redknapp don't speak with the BBC), we have a unique tough winter period, two competitive cup competitions etc etc. Scolari has a lot to adapt to, and if he wants to win things this year, he'll have to adapt quickly.

Arsenal are still in transition, despite Wenger's disagreement. Arsenal surprised a lot of people last year making a challenge on all four fronts until the kids ran out of steam towards the end of the season. Injuries also hurt Arsenal last year, and in truth a lot of their fans will feel they were unlucky not to come out of the season with a trophy. I'm not foolish enough to say they won't win anything with kids (Alan Hansen about Manchester United in 1996), but they have lost Hleb, Flamini and Gilberto this summer without realling filling the void. Hleb looked impressive but never really delivered, but Flamini was outstanding last season and Wenger will be gutted to have lost him. Fabregas is an excellent player, but is he strong enough to lead an inexperienced midfield through the whole season? Particularly when Captain Gallas' temperament is still suspect after his childish display at St. Andrews last season.

It could be argued the only side from the "Big 4" not to be in a time of transition is Liverpool. On the field the side are going from strength to strength, and the purchase of Robbie Keane is an excellent one. Liverpool are a strong outfit, very tight at the back and always difficult to beat. It has always been Liverpool's inconsitency that has cost them a title challenge, and Benitez's desire to rotate his squad. However I feel Benitez has learnt from his mistakes, and I foresee a promising year for the red side of Merseyside.

All Time Premier League XI - Centre Back (no.6)

Selecting this All Time Premier League XI is becoming increasingly difficult. Anyone can go away and select XI players, and the truth is within 30 minutes of first discussing this with my friend I managed to put together a reasonable side... but the more I attempted to justify the players' positions, the more I realised I'd got things wrong. For example... Dan Petrescu? What was I thinking?!

My two centre-back positions were filled on instinct, and hopefully in reading this you can agree that my instincts have been fully justified. The centre-back pairing is far more important than the pairing of the central midfielders, or the centre-forwards, that is... you could have two individual centre-forwards that didn't necessarily compliment each other but were still succesful, and in midfield the role is in linking the defence and attack, and the fluidity of the game allows any pairing to fulfill this link. However, in defence it is imperative that the two players work well together, as a unit. One should be the aggressor, that attacks everything in the air, and throws himself into challenges and blocks. The other, should be the cover, has a perfect reading of the game and knows when to intercept. This is evident at Chelsea with Terry and Carvalho, at Manchester United with Vidic and Ferdinand, and many more.

The first of the pairing I will select is the aggressor, and I will begin with the ulimate body stopper Colin Hendry. Hendry may have looked like Pat Butcher, and weighed about the same, but he was an extremely good Premier League defender (albeit at a time when the quality of attackers wasn't so high). Blackburn played a simple defensive game, they defended deep to allow no room in behind, and threw themselves at anything the opposition had going through the middle. At the time, Hendry was probably the best defender in the league for getting himself in the way. However, since then we've had the rise of John Terry.

There's not much left to say about Terry's ability, although no-one really speaks of his ability as a defender anymore, merely his abilities for leading his country. A strong candidate to be the full-time England Captain, Terry has become Mr. Chelsea - his whole career being dedicated to turning Chelsea into the greatest team in the world, the kind of loyalty that anyone can admire, and we all wish Gareth Barry could possess. Terry has a "never-say-die" attitude, willing to stop the opposition at all costs, and often risking personal injury for the good of the team (highlighted by the image). Most modern day football fans would have Terry as a dead cert for the All Time Premier League XI... however I have some reservations about Terry under pressure. Exhibit A would be the Euro 2004 defeat to Portugal, where I feel Terry lost his sense of positioning at a time of desperation, and Helder Postiga nipped in to equalise. Exhibit B is the Community Shield 2006 defeat to Liverpool when Peter Crouch made minimal effort in losing Terry to score the 80th minute winner. Finally Exhibit C-hampions League. You can make all the excuses you want about the pitch, and the rain, but the simple truth is Terry missed that penalty.

Given the evident case for John Terry, there can only be a few players that make the grade ahead of him, in fact only one. Tony "Mr. Arsenal" Adams. Back in the early 90s when Arsenal's ground was commonly referred to as "Highbury the Library", Adams was leading the most formidable defence that the country had ever seen, helping Arsenal to win the old First Division twice and the FA Cup and League Cup Double in 1993. However during a baron spell for Arsenal in the mid 90s, Adams still lead a very strong defence with his ability to hold a tight line, win the ball in the air, make key interceptions and play the ball out of defence. Adams had become England Captain in this time, and was unlucky not to lead England to success at Euro 96. At Highbury, eventually Arsene Wenger came in, and Arsenal's whole ethos of football was revolutionised. The team no longer were focussing on keeping clean sheets, they were focussed on beautiful football and entertainment. This didn't affect Adams' defensive unit. Adams continued to be a force whilst also being able to adapt to the new regime, and nothing epitomised this more than on the last day of the 1998 season vs Everton, when Steve Bould played through Tony Adams to chest the ball down and score the winning goal to confirm Arsenal as Premier League Champions.

Tony Adams was more than just a great player of his time, he has also left a legacy at Arsenal that year on year defenders are trying to live up to, the kind of legacy that inspired Arsenal to go the whole season undefeated in the Premier League 2003/04.

On-Football's All Time Premier League Centre-back (no.6) is Tony Adams.

Are Football Shirts the Modern War Paint?

Tonight at William Hill I saw a man in a Chelsea shirt, and I asked him if he fancied his chances of winning the league this year. He looked at me a little startled, and said in a full Geordie accent "ah don't let this fool you, I'm a Newcastle fan, I'm only wearing this because I work on the roads". I was a little amused. Looking at the shirt, it does seem like Samsung have just printed their brand on a high visibility jacket, but I never imagined the shirt actually being a substitute for the genuine article.

Whilst on the subject of new football kits, what on Earth were the Liverpool Marketing team thinking when they put together this new grey kit? Grey? Was nothing learnt from Manchester United's infamous half-time change of dress against Southampton? Not only is it grey, but it's grey chequered, and in my opinion is one of the ugliest football shirts I've ever seen... but is it the ugliest shirt ever seen?

Norwich City fans may argue that having yellow as a base colour doesn't leave you many options in design, but then Brazil have never struggled in presenting themselves. This Norwich kit (adequately modelled by a then succesful Chris Sutton) is also unpleasant on the eye. However, this was the golden period of Norwich City's history, flying high domestically and in Europe, even beating Bayern Munich. Perhaps... perhaps the ugly kit is the way forward. Perhaps being aesthetically offending is the way to gain the upper hand?

Petr Cech believes so. His new orange high visibility goalkeeping shirt was designed for exactly that, "Studies say the orange colour spreads the most when the striker attacks, in the split of a second as he focuses... This colour is like a sort of alarm or alert which really spreads and is very difficult to avoid, so this should be good for me".

Science is a wonderful thing, and Chelsea's new kit could work to their advantage. But history is also a wonderful thing, and we know for certain that being aesthetically offensive did no good for Luke Chadwick's face and his career.

Beware of Lower League Goalscorer Markets

The first day of the Football League is finally upon us, and there are no words to justify the excitement. But here's a quick word of warning to anyone who fancies the Top Goalscorer market in the lower leagues.

Ebanks-Blake had a fantastic season last year, and will lead the Wolves attack in what should be a good season for the black country club. He's a keen favourite to bag a lot of goals, and is considered a good bet to be Top Goalscorer.

The same can be said of Jermain Beckford at Elland Road. Last year in Leeds' desperate attempt to overhaul their points deficit and gain promotion, Beckford earnt a lot of recognition with his ability in front of goal. This year Leeds find themselves as favourites to win League One, and Beckford favourite to be Top Goalscorer.

These players are developing very quickly and a succesful start to the season will bring them a lot of attention. Couple that attention with a side that may be struggling in front of goal in a superior division. We've seen it happen, almost year on year. Premiership sides that struggle early on will desperately look anywhere to find a goalscorer, and their money is always too tempting to a club lower down the footballing pyramid. Here's the kind of scenario I can foresee developing. Stoke City are struggling for points in the early months, and are despite creating the odd chance, are not scoring any goals. Ebanks-Blake however is scoring for fun in the Championship, and looks capable of scoring goals at any level. Come January, Ebanks-Blake finds himself in the Premier League. Your Top Goalscorer bet has now lost. And Stoke will not score enough goals to stay up anyway.

I might be wrong... but it's worth considering.

All Time Premier League XI - Left Back (no.3)

Continuing with Manchester United's All Time XI... or what is appearing to be Manchester United's All Time XI... we come to Denis Irwin at left back. Denis Irwin was tagged Mr. Reliable and spent 12 years at Old Trafford winning just about everything. Irwin was not only a fans' favourite, but also widely appreciated from opposition fans too for his willingness to get forward. Excellent at the back, Irwin was also deadly in front of goal, scoring a number of free-kicks and penalties. Irwin remained in a succesful Manchester United side until he was 35, no mean feat for a club with the kind of resources to buy the best in any position. So, how can one argue against Denis Irwin's inclusion?

Step forward [C]Ashley Cole. I find it very difficult supporting Ashley Cole's case in the All Time Premier League XI, fundamentally because I believe he is a complete **** (expletive removed for fear of libel). Ashley Cole is probably the least respected player in the Premiership, due to 5 high profile incidents in his career. Firstly he was seen selling his soul to Peter Kenyon... then he criticised Arsenal fans in his autobiography... later he was widely accused of a "highly probable (there's no smoke without fire)" secret homosexual night life to which he attempted to sue Google... so his PR Manager arranged a "sham" marriage to "I also need good PR" Cheryl Tweedy... and finally he cheated on her with Aimee Walton. Oh no, wait, there's another one. He also showed a complete lack of professionalism when Alan Wiley attempted to give him a lenient yellow card for a wreckless challenge worthy of red, which sparked the almightiest "player power" media frenzy.

Ashley Cole is a ****. However, he is a well accomplished full back, having spent over 10 years playing for 2 of the top 3 sides in England, and will almost certainly go on to win the Premier League with two different sides. He's strong, he's fast, and he's an attacking threat... but then he is a ****. Let's consider the on-field evidence not to select Ashley Cole. Step forward Gael Clichy and Wayne Bridge. Although these two players have not been succesful enough to warrant a place in the All Time Premier League XI, they are both considered by many to be better than Cole, at a time when Cole should be at his peak. Clichy has left Arsenal fans regretting nothing about the sale of Cole (even with their exchance player Gallas being a crying whinging baby), and Bridge often being picked ahead of Cole for Chelsea, though not yet England. So this leaves me thinking... it can't be Ashley Cole. There's just too much going against Cole to select him.

After all the debate, and all the justifications... I'm plucking for an outsider. Faster and more attacking than Denis Irwin, whilst not quite as controversial as Ashley Cole, Graeme Le Saux was the Premier League's best left back in his prime. Leaving Chelsea after a falling out with then Manager Ian Porterfield, he joined Blackburn for £700,000, a lot of money in 1993 (but nothing in modern day football according to Simon Jordan). Le Saux had an excellent left foot, and Alan Shearer used to thrive on his crosses into the box. In 4 years Le Saux proved himself to be England's best left back, winning the Premier League with an unfancied Blackburn team, before returning to Chelsea for a record £5m. Le Saux continued to impress at Stamford Bridge and was heavily involved in the clubs' success in the late 1990s.

Famously Graeme Le Saux punched David Batty in the face in a Champions League game in Moscow, and infamously was the butt of Robbie Fowler's gay jibes during a game... but Le Saux will more likely be remembered for his amazing volley against Brazil at Wembley in a 3-1 defeat (Le Saux's goal against Brazil).

Graeme Le Saux is On Football's All Time Premier League Left Back.